@huntigula: if you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape
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@SteveSuckington: Me: I need to sleep Ambien: do worms have buttholes? You should text your boss
@rachelle_mandik: there is no way you can prove that babies grow and are not instead replaced overnight with entirely new but slightly larger babies
@SirEviscerate: ME: wash the peanut butter off this knife DISHWASHER: imma forge that peanut butter into an unbreakable rock on that knife ME: please no
@Brianhopecomedy: In a marriage it's always a competition to see who can look busier, hence why I sighed and shook my head repeatedly while writing this.