@BromanConsul: if you meet a woman under the age of 75 named "Maude" or "Agatha" it's a good bet to check nearby for a time machine
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@Laser_Cat: Do you Karen promise to love and to cherish Mark, always put the toilet paper on the roll over the top, and not leave crumbs in the butter?
@cynicanoldicus: The ex wife once told me her greatest fantasy was kneeling in front of me while I spurted all over her. She never mentioned it was my blood.
@tarashoe: birds can make their homes in tall treetops and soar at great heights and pigeons are like no thank you i will commute by foot to home depot
@Dana_Bruno: Wasn't wearing my glasses at the park and bent down to pet some guy's gym bag. How's your night going?!