@BromanConsul: if you meet a woman under the age of 75 named "Maude" or "Agatha" it's a good bet to check nearby for a time machine
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@ericsshadow: I dont have a "college fund" bc my youngest will most likely get a scholarship and my oldest thinks all dogs are boys and all cats are girls
@Mr_Kapowski: Ladies, don't be sad if your thighs begin to start touching You're becoming a mermaid!
@Adam_Kingsnorth: The soul weighs 21 grams. We know this because the Jurassic World film reels are 21 grams lighter than Jurassic Park
@KateQFunny: Just saw a guy wearing a hat that says "Don't Bother Me," so I asked him where he got it & how much it cost & whether or not it works.