@Darlainky: If you missed any of the most recent presidential debate, you can catch one side of it on any given Facebook friend's page.
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@Loli_Sug: Me: Can you bring me a burrito Him: you want me to come over? Me: no. I want a burrito to come over.
@gonzohostility: Said she was gonna send a pic of her "backyard' . Turns out we weren't on the same page
@chuuew: ME: You're a silly sausage aren't you? SAUSAGE: [peering over spectacles] I may have acted out in my youth but that's not what defines me.
@SteveSuckington: I rented this bobcat to help me dig up my new pool but he won't even hold the shovel. He's just eating all the neighborhood squirrels.