@Ristolable: If you name a baby Barbara, the baby turns 50 years old immediately.
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@stephenjmolloy: Wife: I'm seeing someone behind your back. Me: *frightened* Are... are they there now?
@beefman138: "Wow, that's great!" ~ Me, not paying attention, and hoping you didn't just tell me your Grandma died.
@trevso_electric: If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
@subtleapt: My mother always told me "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"...and some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them.