@Ristolable: If you name a baby Barbara, the baby turns 50 years old immediately.
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@haolegurl808: One thing you can count on: For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
@SlabBaconBP: Im the guy that says "Is he bothering you?" when some douche is hitting on you, just so I can hang around and bother you after he goes away.
@LeBearGirdle: *speed dating* I'm a competitive eater! Date: Are you any good? [grabbing my suitcase, dumping 45 hotdogs on table] funny you should ask