@Drivelodeon: If you need anything you can call me any time of the day or night. I won't answer and my ringer will be off, so it won't bother me at all.
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@underchilde: We appreciate the 3 billion guys that signed up for our sex study, but unfortunately we only need five.
@girl_a_whirl: Salesperson: What a cute service dog! How does he help you? Me: Pete, purse! *Pete pees on Louis Vuitton Me: I'll take it for 50% off
@atanya1111: So Kanye West said he is an intellectual who doesn't read books. Which I get because I am an an athlete that rarely moves.
@stacetoned: If you feel like someone is playing mind games with you, they totally are and you should kill them before they kill you.