@Drivelodeon: If you need anything you can call me any time of the day or night. I won't answer and my ringer will be off, so it won't bother me at all.
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@TheToddWilliams: [office] ME: I'm back from vacation! BOSS: It's been 4 1/2 years! You said a week in Venice! ME: No, a week on Venus...which is 1701 days
@DaddyJew: Me: so what are you wearing sexy? Collection agency: umm...we'll just call back tomorrow
@Tharin_P: "What do missiles, camels, and common fetishes have in common?" "...What?" " -Toes." "Out. Just get out."