@rickkondell: If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
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@gingerfaced: What do you mean you were really drunk? I already changed my Facebook relationship status for you.
@Hobo_Splendido: Sorry, there's a technical problem preventing me from RTing your tweets. Technically they're not funny.
@XplodingUnicorn: My 6-year-old walked into the room and said, "Don't worry, Dad. I'm OK." Time to search the house for whatever she destroyed.