@MrPudmansButler: If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe's poker table you're too mature for me.
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@Reverend_Scott: DETECTIVE: TELL US WHERE THE STOLEN BANK MONEY IS HIDDEN ROBBER: Nope, but I WILL give you a series of clues DETECTIVE: ok this sounds fun
@Jennuflect: [me as a DJ] Where my single ladies at? *drunk responses* This one's for you *turns off music, serious tone* This is a bad place to meet men
@SadMeterologist: Police: How did they break in? Me: I have a fake garden rock w/a key inside. Police: They found it? Me: They threw it through the window.