@ScottFilmCritic: If you only see one raccoon getting a marriage proposal today, make it this one.
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@Ideal_Victoria: I’m still waiting for my date from last summer to come back from the restaurant’s bathroom… I hope everything is ok.
@Skoogeth: [at a dive bar] Friend: Look, I know you're disappointed, but we should at least have one drink. Me: *wearing flippers, a wetsuit and a snorkle* I'd like to leave, please.
@Shock_Monster: I get nervous about DM's asking if it's me in video because: 1. I drink. 2. I sometimes dance when drunk. 3. I'm always white when I dance.