@ScottFilmCritic: If you only see one raccoon getting a marriage proposal today, make it this one.
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@paperphotoyo: Being a parent means you have to make gigantic sacrifices like quality sleep and the backs to every remote control in your house.
@dysondoc: The new jumper I bought kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back and they exchanged it for another one free of charge.
@TheDailySchmuck: They say all of this started because Eve ate an apple. Clearly, the book was altered. Everyone knows it had to be chocolate.
@thenoahkinsey: Tried a new flavor from my favorite brand of energy drinks. It was the 2nd grossest taste I've ever had in my mouth. (No offense, Andrea.)