@jnrbtsn: If you open a door for me, I will lick you. Sometimes it's awkward.
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@bourgeoisalien: Having a kid is great because it's basically an 18 year excuse for being too tired to make plans with people ever again.
@margolundy: Life dull? Add 'or die trying' to every statement. "I'm gonna pick up milk on the way home OR DIE TRYING." Instant excitement.
@1Happytwit: There's a cat curled up on my pillow, and I'd probably be a lot more cool with that if I actually owned a cat.