@CuddleYourCat: If you piss me off bad enough and tell me to leave you alone, I will take 30 Adderall and send you cat pictures every 3 minutes for 6 days.
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@joejwest: COP: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea SUSPECT: Is it bring your kid to work day? LITTLE GIRL: [slams fist on desk] Answer the question
@robfee: No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a b&e.
@Parentpains: If six years of marriage has taught me anything its that couches are surprisingly comfortable to sleep on.