@Emonalisha: If you piss me off in the grocery store I will get in line in front of you and pay for a single banana with a personal check
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@FeverFlave: Sorry that I passed you vapor rub instead of lip balm but your lips do look as robust as fortified wine now...Does that sting?
@GrandadJFreeman: *painting your nails* one hand : perfect. other hand : looks like a blind cat did it.
@Inconsteveable: Me: "Can I leave work half an hour early?" Boss: "Only if you make up the time." "OK. It's 35 past 50." Boss: "Just go.."
@david8hughes: *on deathbed* "Son u were *cough* ado-" "Dad? I was adopted?!" "A dot of misery on my otherwise happy life. I don't know why we adopted u."