@notbedelia: If you play Titanic backwards it's about a guy who rises from the sea, bangs a ginger and tries to throw her over the railing of a boat.
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@WheelTod: That awkward moment when you lazily follow someone cos of 1 funny joke, then realize all the rest of their stuff is KKK recruitment material
@pleatedjeans: [sees kid crying in grocery store] hey little guy [kneels down to his level] Can you please move you're blocking the Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
@teeaysmith: To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches
@iamspacegirl: Geppetto: I wish you were a real boy Pinocchio *begins to sing & dance around* Geppetto: yay! [3 hrs later] Geppetto: This was a mistake