@WeissBrandon: If you plug in a toaster and take it into the bathtub with you, it will get rid of your hiccups.
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@Cheeseboy22: I'm offended that horses don't put their hooves over their hearts during the National Anthem when they win a gold in equestrian events.
@carlyken: Noah's Ark was so unrealistic. Have you ever tried to pen up velociraptors? Did the guy who wrote the Bible even watch Jurassic Park first?
@joe_binkley: My childhood has prepared me for a lot more bear-related pic-a-nic-basket thefts than I'm currently experiencing.
@HatfieldAnne: A brightly-colored van drives slowly down our street. Kids gather excitedly. It is the Edible Arrangements truck. We are all betrayed.