@robfee: If you plug in a USB cord correctly on the first try, you shouldn’t have to pay taxes for a year.
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@MeanGein: Algebra is like sex. I didn't really get it in high school, and I definitely don't get it now.
@TheMichaelRock: HR: Do you want your name on the October birthday list? Me: Nope. HR: Why not? Me: Because I'm not in Kindergarten.
@carlyken: [interview at winery] What strengths do you bring to the job? *long pause while Jesus glares at interviewer* Are you being serious right now