@robfee: If you plug in a USB cord correctly on the first try, you shouldn’t have to pay taxes for a year.
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@CulturedRuffian: Tim Burton could've saved a lot of money on 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' and just shown a 2016 Facebook Year in Review instead.
@trojansauce: origin stories: spiderman: bitten by spider green hornet: bitten by green hornet gambit: bitten by a gam magneto: bitten by magnetic toe
@daemonic3: "KIDS, GET YOUR SHOES ON WE'RE LEAVING FOR SCHOOL IN SIX HOURS!!!" -- Centipede parents
@conanobrienswyf: Clapping was invented by white people at concerts, because we have no idea what to do with our hands when we dance.