@robfee: If you plug in a USB cord correctly on the first try, you shouldn’t have to pay taxes for a year.
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@XplodingUnicorn: [middle of the night] Me: Wake up! Wife: What?! Me: I dreamt Dolores Umbridge banned my pig Wife: Me: But she couldn't. It was HOGwarts
@CandyCrisis: Captain Hook hated Paper Scissors Rock since he could only play Question Mark, which had no value in the game.
@IRLPepperMD: "This is the police! Put your hands up where I can see 'em!" "But I can't-" "Now!" *t-rex panics*