@Robinbuble: If you post a handstand photo of yourself at the beach in Uggs you're automatically entered into an essay contest on why you love your Jetta
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@BrainFumbles: Cop: Know why I pulled u over? Me: [slams fist on dash] NO, WHY?! Cop: Settle down sir Me: [marries, has kids, gives up ambitions] Cop: ...
@alienated: PSA for librarians: occasionally check how the World Book encyclopedia is arranged on your shelves
@UnFitz: Her: For once I'd like a man to just sweep me off my feet. Me: *slowly ties Karate Kid headband around forehead*