@Robinbuble: If you post a handstand photo of yourself at the beach in Uggs you're automatically entered into an essay contest on why you love your Jetta
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@Donna_McCoy: Just go ahead and put "She always had to pee" on my tombstone, because that's how everyone's going to remember me.
@DaddyJew: Don't spill it Don't spill it Don't spill it Don't spill it Don't spill it My kitchen now has a lake - me trying to fill up my ice trays
@AintNoFamily: I can't wait to stick my descriptive adjective all up in your noun until you verb all over my face.
@sixfootcandy: How to get out of jury duty: When they read the charges, no matter what they are, yell out "Oh come on. Even I've done THAT!"