@Neauxpe: If you post a selfie that says "because some of you asked for a new one" I want to see screenshots of where they said that.
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@sageboggs: The Commandments 1) def don't kill 2) no stealing, obvs 3) don't say my name? idk 4) luv ur neighbs! 5) but don't LOVE-love them, that's bad
@Elizasoul80: [my husband turning onto our street] "know what I think?" husband: you don't have to say it everytime. "we've been down this road before"
@wildethingy: Could a murderer do THIS? *lawyer points to defendant doing cool tap dance* I remind the jury that only guilty feet have got no rhythm.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: How dilated is she? Nurse: 4 centimeters. Me: This is America. Nurse: 0.000198838 furlongs.