@ThePocketJustin: If you pretend you're skimming you can straight up throw rocks at people.
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@iAmGolfy: Instead of "Who's your daddy?" I accidentally said "How's your daddy?" and we put our clothes back on and discussed her father's cholesterol
@TheTimmyToes: [on the way to the hospital] GF: "let me get this straight. You thoug-" Me: I thought that the mouse trap would detect that I am not a mouse
@SortaBad: "Sooo sorry I fell asleep during your wedding. It was rude but your vows were like SO long. Anyway, you may now kiss the bride"
@LindzThoughts: I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I'm sorry. but I've moved on.