@theshamingofjay: If you pronounce coupon like qpon I hope you get eaten by a qgar
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@jbringsmayhem: 9: do they drink beer in heaven? Me: I kinda doubt it... 9: does somebody check for it at the gate? Me: ...
@jonnysun: "ice, ice, baby. ice, ice, bab--no ice-- no thats definitly a babey" - man who has a job sorting babys and ice at the ice & baby factorey
@junejuly12: No thanks hot air balloons. I prefer to fly in 75 ton metal tubes as God and the Wright brothers intended.
@sofarrsogud: WIFE: You know Hogwarts isn't real? It's just part of series of fantasy novels. ME: *chasing an owl around my garden* WHATEVER MUGGLE!!!