@theshamingofjay: If you pronounce coupon like qpon I hope you get eaten by a qgar
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@camelSWAG69: [walks into gym with my sunglasses on] WHATS UP LADIES *takes off sunglasses* damn it 3rd treadmill I've hit on this week
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know why I stopped u? "Cuz im going too fast?" Cop: Yes, slow down. "But it's been 6 months-" Cop: U can't move in with her yet.
@KevinFarzad: Every political Facebook status should start with, "First of all, I have no idea what I'm talking about."