@theshamingofjay: If you pronounce coupon like qpon I hope you get eaten by a qgar
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@gorrdano: How bout I hold a toaster over you while you're in the tub, and you tweet something that doesn't make me drop it.
@AmishPornStar1: I need a way to keep fit that will make me look like a crazy person so no one will approach me while I do it. -inventor of powerwalking
@envydatropic: Indoor water parks full of kids in diapers for when you want to catch a case of name that bacterial infection