@theshamingofjay: If you pronounce coupon like qpon I hope you get eaten by a qgar
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@Parkerlawyer: Waiting on this storm is like waiting on your mom to get home when you're in trouble. You know she's pissed, you just don't know HOW pissed
@KattsDogma: DA: Where r my legal briefs? Paralegal *hands him his boxers* Judge: lol Jury: We're hung Judge: ha! DA: Balls in your court Judge: DO MORE!
@GoodZiIIa: Friend: what are your 2018 resolutions? Me: I didn't even make 1, let alone 2018 of them
@GayAtHomeDad: When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all.