@Kyle_Lippert: If you put your face really close to a neck tattoo & slowly pull away, you can see a hidden design of the unemployment office.
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@ImLeslieChow: "I wasn't that drunk!" "Dude, you congratulated a potato for getting a part in Toy Story."
@moose_chocolate: The E. coli in the city water supply means I am just one glass away from my goal weight.
@Edie_Is_Dead: Watch as i slowly pull my shirt up over - wait, stuck in the too-small neckhole...struggling... Okay, dont watch.
@TheRolo: Date: So what do you do for fun? Me: [Flashes back to me tightly strapping a Rolex around a quail] I love bird watching.