@Kyle_Lippert: If you put your face really close to a neck tattoo & slowly pull away, you can see a hidden design of the unemployment office.
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@KentWGraham: I’m starting to think my wife is only having sex with me to improve her FitBit stats.
@InternetHippo: AGE 18: There's someone special out there for you! AGE 28: You'll find them one day! AGE 38: It'll happen! DEAD: Just be patient!
@TheBeerGuy73: Today I saw a bird shit on somebody for no apparent reason at all. Then I thought of you.
@slimmy_shady: Who the friggin hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere. You just let one into your home and it becomes your cat.