@envydatropic: If you read enough tweets you can tell the approximate time the tweeter switched from coffee to alcohol
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@Travon: The Queen is so afraid of how the vote will turn out, she put Sam Smith in a boat circling Scotland singing "Stay With Me" into a megaphone.
@Angibangie: Hi, I'm Angie. You may remember me from such instances as: Where did all the vodka go? Is ur friend ok? Or: Who's responsible for this girl?
@2tickytacky: She had soft, black hair, and big, brown eyes. We went for a walk. I told her I loved her. Now she's gone. She took off after a squirrel.
@Brianhopecomedy: On my 5 year old's report card it said, "He is encouraged to ask more questions". ARE YOU KIDDING ME.