@envydatropic: If you read enough tweets you can tell the approximate time the tweeter switched from coffee to alcohol
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@AliciaATobin: There should be a YouTube compilation of the expressions on women's faces when they discover a dress they are trying on also has pockets.
@Brentweets: Speed 3: Waitress has to keep talking about the day's specials or the entire restaurant explodes.
@JoParkerBear: I am officially lowering my dating standards to include anyone who may have access to a swimming pool. I will learn to love you. Call me.