@novixv: If you read Twitter backwards it tells the story of humanity slowly getting smarter.
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@IanKarmel: Arby's also has a secret menu. If you order a "phone book" they bring you a phone book and you can find any other place to eat.
@NotKarma: Cops don't like it when you ask them "Need some help?" especially when you're wearing a Batman costume.
@iLikeCatShirts: Dealer: Anyone follow you dude? Me: just my cat *dealer opens trench coat & my mom jumps out* Mom: why are you using drugs???