@novixv: If you read Twitter backwards it tells the story of humanity slowly getting smarter.
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@ddsmidt: Throw me to the wolves and they'll come back with cute names, little sweaters & an affinity for baby talk.
@girl_a_whirl: A spider crawled on my son's hand today. I did what any father would do. I mean, Luke Skywalker seems like a productive member of society.
@bfrosty04: I dont 'scrub up' like a surgeon after using the urinal because growing up, they taught us not to piss all over our hands n arms, you baboon