@novixv: If you read Twitter backwards it tells the story of humanity slowly getting smarter.
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@Fred_Delicious: "so doc... am I dying?" "we're all dying, just at different speeds" "but what about me" "You're like, the Usain Bolt of dying dude lmao"
@cray_at_home_ma: Welcome to my home! No you're mistaken, it isn't a mess, it's just gallery-style so you can see everything we own at once. Watch your step.
@qwertying: Airport Security: has anyone put anything in your luggage without your knowledge, sir? Sir: How the hell am I supposed to answer that?