@turd_firebird: If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer is my favorite song about how to incorrectly deal with the loss of a loved one during the holiday
@Reverend_Scott: [guy in dark alley] Psst. Hey, lady... *opens trench coat* CHECK OUT- *dozens of bibles fall out* -our Lord and savior Jesus Christ
@buck4itt: Just learned an important lesson: When texting "wish you were here," that last e kind of makes it or breaks it.