@oolah: If you replace phrase “Americans think” with “Americans with landlines who answer unsolicited calls think” it all makes so much more sense.
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@kerouac741: Twinkle, twinkle little star How I wonder where you are If you're not so very far After work, let's hit the bar
@pinupteacher: 3 men asked me out while I was shoveling out my car. Lesson learned: showering and makeup are optional as long you're grunting.
@AimeeHelene1: At my funeral, I want them to play "Thriller" and have someone that looks like me climb out of a casket, dancing. (wins at death)
@schumoo: Like Grandma used to say, if it seems too good to be true buy as much of that shit as you can. Grandma drank a lot. We miss her.