@oolah: If you replace phrase “Americans think” with “Americans with landlines who answer unsolicited calls think” it all makes so much more sense.
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@ifuseekamynow: 7: mommy can I play on your computer? Me: later 7: what do you mean by later? Me: I'm hoping you forget.
@MelissaJoy33: I love being a mom. I just left the vacuum running in front of my teenagers door until he woke up. Should have done what I asked, lil shit!
@SamuelHLowe: - What do you do to relax? - I enjoy people watching. - The most relaxing thing for me is singing in the shower. - I know.
@UncleDuke1969: Wife: I read my mom that funny tweet you wrote. Me: Don't you mean THOSE funny TWEETS? Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: No. No, I don't.