@JasonLastname: If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you'll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
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@amishschool: "My wife worked a 12-hour day and I asked what was for dinner" I explain to the other homeless people.
@causticbob: If you have a choice between ugly or fat, remember this. You can turn the lights out on ugly, but you can always feel the fat in the dark.
@Coastiefish: I was a pizza delivery guy once, but only for a day. They gave me 12 pizzas to deliver and I just never came back.