@JasonLastname: If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you'll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
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@robyn_vo: I can't believe I gave him my whole heart and he just shit on it like it was nothing, I hate mennnnever mind, he texted back. False alarm.
@PanicRestroom: Whenever I see someone posting a picture with a celebrity, I comment: "Who's that next to you?"
@turboescortdude: 3 y/o: I want a bagel Me: We don't have any 3 y/o: You're a idiot Me: How did you survive your abortion