@JasonLastname: If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you'll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
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@longwall26: A werewolf is chasing you. Your life flashes before your eyes: crappy jobs, breakups, Ren fairs. The werewolf gets depressed and goes home.
@1_swarthy_dude: [interview for waiter position] Manager: "So how experienced are you at carrying multiple plates?" Stegosaurus: "You're kidding me right?"
@TheRolo: *Rides unicorn to work* *Gives Bigfoot hi-five* *Chats with mermaids* *Argues with Medusa* *Gets called in to HR* *Fails drug test*