@weismanjake: If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime" just say "I'm ready to hang out right now" and watch them panic
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@bigmacher: I saw Jesus trending and my heart dropped. My first thought was 'damn you 2016!' but then i realized it was just his birthday.
@tchrquotes: thanks, but I'M TOO FAR AWAY FOR YOU TO BE HOLDING THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS STOP IT
@jonnysun: *dinosaur at zoo roars at me* "ROAR" whoa wat kimd of dinosaur is this "GROWL" hmm "SHOUT" hmmm "YELL" hmmmmm "HOLLER" oh its a thesaurus