@BlondAmbitionTO: If you say "anyways" instead of "anyway," that's alls I needs to knows abouts yous.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Guess what I did Me: Captured Bigfoot? Wife: I got a great deal on kid's clothes Me: Just so I'm clear, Bigfoot is still out there?
@bridger_w: I bet Adam and Eve loved being the first people cuz they didn't have to worry about ghosts
@PJTLynch: Ladies: To see how a guy is in bed, watch him put on a shoe. Does he just cram his foot in? Or does he lick the shoe fully then gently enter
@Sarcasticsapien: If you're going to insult the Amish, do it to their face. You kinda have to. They're never gonna see it online.