@TravLeBlanc: If you say "no ifs, ands, or buts", then get ready for a shitload of "shoulds", "as well as", and "howevers".
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@pleatedjeans: Always live on the bottom floor it's further from heaven and harder for God to see you sinning
@awkwardlyours: There should be a safe word for small talk: "So how about this weather we're hav -" "RUTABAGA! GOD DAMN IT JIM, RUTABAGA."