@TravLeBlanc: If you say "no ifs, ands, or buts", then get ready for a shitload of "shoulds", "as well as", and "howevers".
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@runolgarun: saw someone spill their high end juice cleanse all over the sidewalk and now I know god is on my side
@StarksWeek: I'm not saying I'm bilingual but if you shout at me in German I'll probably do whatever you want
@badbanana: I relate to #PizzaRat because if I found a slice of pizza as big as a car you can bet I'd try my best to take that thing home.
@moooooog35: Lady at the dollar store checked to see if my $20 was fake. Like if I could counterfeit money I'd be shopping at the dollar store.