@weinerdog4life: If you say "NO YOURE UNDER ARREST" the cop legally has to get in the back of your car.
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@XGroverX: "I'm so hungry, I could eat a human baby." Everyone in Whole Foods stares at me stunned "Corn-fed organic of course, I'm not a monster."
@TheAlexNevil: Pro Tip: don't buy cheap duct tape. Your basement guests can chew right through that.
@Ristolable: According to Facebook a bunch of handsome dudes got together and decided to marry all my ex-girlfriends