@weinerdog4life: If you see a cat with a dart in it, that's my cat and I need him back, we aren't done yet.
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@Redfiascos: I'm always disappointed when I board a plane and there's no handsome man running after me to stop me. Thanks, hollywood.
@DaddyJew: Some music just moves you. For example this Taylor Swift song playing on the radio makes me wanna drive off a cliff
@KeetPotato: me: "why was she called the little mermaid, she was 5ft7?" therapist: "i meant anything bothering you about your marriage keith"