@weinerdog4life: If you see a cat with a dart in it, that's my cat and I need him back, we aren't done yet.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: [in court] Judge: You're the prosecutor? Prosecutor: Yes. Judge: So then who is this? Me: (flips hair) I'm the prosecutest.
@david8hughes: [doc walks in holding up my X-rays with one hand & giving a thumbs down with the other] Bad news, pal. You're a skeleton.