@NoticablyBacon: If you see a dentist get shot and hes bleeding out, just casually mention how he needs to floss more so he doesnt bleed out like that
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@Mickey_McCauley: The main problem with gay marriage is when two men hold the knife to cut the cake they will be too strong and cut through the plate & table.
@envydatropic: First date - I'll have an ice water and a lettuce wedge Tenth date - I'll have a large pizza, extra cheese. What do you want, honey?
@LorieGZ: Me: I hope you pee your pants, teach you not to hold it in! My daughter: You shouldn't wish for that..you're the one that does the laundry!
@MelKassel: SCIENTIST: it's our thinnest toilet paper yet, sir. less than a picometer CEO: *rips it by breathing on it* put it in every public restroom