@mrtruthandsoul: If you see a porcupine in your yard, that's my cat and we're not done with our accupuncture session.
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@KeetPotato: [emergency dentist appointment] dentist: what seems to be the problem? me: my teeth [turns to nurse] is this guy new?
@TheRealPiney: I'm quitting drinking for a year. *I'm quitting. Drinking for a year. Sorry, punctuation is everything.
@DarthSteveus: Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween...I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors.