@trevso_electric: If you see a woman holding Fifty Shades of Grey, smile and say "congratulations on your first book!"
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@Pundamentalism: Alligators can live up to 100 years, which is why there's an increased chance that they will see you later.
@Drivelodeon: Lady, you misunderstood. When I asked if you would have my kids I didn't mean sex and babies. I meant take the ones I already have.
@AudreyPorne: spin the bottle, except you have to murder the person it lands on her: this is a baby shower
@d_duhwit: Elf cop:"We got a robbery in progress on Candy Cane lane. Hit the light Rudolf! *Rudolf sticks nose through sunroof*