@MmeSurly: If you see someone crying, ask if it's because of their haircut.
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@R_A_Dadass: My wife has been binge watching episodes of snapped, so I cancelled my life insurance policy, and haven't slept or eaten in days.
@GlumGeorgeLucas: "Rogue One" idea: The spies anxiously wait to meet their new commander. Boldly - regally - he strides into the room. "Mesa Jar-Jar Binks"
@InternetHippo: TRUMP: She’s too scripted HILLARY (reading from teleprompter): Mr. Trump, (voice steadily rising) Adobe Reader is ready to update
@Quartzjixler: People who talk with your phone on speaker like it's a Star Trek Communicator - we're trying to have a society here. And everyone hates you.