@MmeSurly: If you see someone crying, ask if it's because of their haircut.
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@brianbowman73: Sorry I called you an imbecile. I should've realized I would have to explain to you what that means.
@KentWGraham: I just used one of those plastic grocery dividers to let my wife know exactly where the middle of the bed is.
@realHamOnWry: Probably the worst thing about getting taken down by a pack of Hyenas would be hearing them giggle while they eat you.
@Stellacopter: If you wrap yourself up in a blanket, you can show up to work late and say you were just rescued by the Coast Guard.