@shariv67: If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it's working.
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@CatherineLMK: "I'm $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
@NervousJr: Whenever you're feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there's people that pay money to exercise.
@mlinhart: LIFE HACK: If ur phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, rice will attract Asians who will fix ur electronics for you
@AlexRogaski: Wife: The police are here asking about a break in at the pet store Me from within a pile of puppies: Tell them I'm not here.