@KayRants: If you send multiple one sentence texts, I will mail a raccoon to your face I'm not kidding.
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@MartaEffing: I laid my tired head down on my pillow & saw the most terrifying thing I could possibly imagine: My phone. On my dresser. Across the room.
@RamblingMachine: In a public restroom I found a sign that read "THINK" on the mirror above the sink so I labelled the soap dispenser "THOAP" to match with it
@ArfMeasures: WIFE: Let's role-play ME: OK W: U be a teacher *I get up & leave* W: Where u going? M: Do u have ANY idea how much paperwork I've got to do?
@murrman5: *catches frisbee* "this is the kinda thing I mean when I say you guys don't take staff meetings seriously"