@KayRants: If you send multiple one sentence texts, I will mail a raccoon to your face I'm not kidding.
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@Cheeseboy22: After taking a bunch of 7-year-olds on a field trip to the Natural History Museum, I realized their favorite exhibit was "Elevator Buttons."
@KimmyMonte: Hey guys is your refrigerator running? Because I don't like any of the current presidential candidates
@deadbearrising: Fun Fact: Koala's have finger prints like humans. So next time you rob a bank make sure the koala carriers the gun