@djr_102: If you sit beside me, you're part of my drumkit.
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@RobWeb79: Work said I was going to do a drug test today. So far I haven't tested any drugs, but this weird guy asked me to urinate in a cup.
@mompsychologist: 3yo: *follows me into bathroom* Me: "Privacy, please" 3yo: "Oh, right" *closes door* "Now we have privacy, Mommy"
@michaelianblack: The Old Testament is the historical record of the first time we Jews controlled the media.