@AliceGolightly_: If you slept with my husband I'd be like "OMG how much do I owe you?"
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@Brampersandon_: [Infomercial] HOST: Wanna learn how to lose up to 15 pounds with one simple trick?!? AUDIENCE: Yes! HOST: Here's how! *rips off his own arm*
@beermanboobs: *crawls into bed naked* *grabs a book* *sips wine* This is nice. I wonder whose house this is.
@daemonic3: Rather than vote, let's all fill out the 29 dimensions of what we want in a president and let eHarmony decide.
@hipstermermaid: The year is 2030: All corporations have merged and every night before bed you say a prayer to your cable company.