@duplicitron: If you smoke while you're pregnant your baby comes out wearing a t-shirt and jeans looking cool as hell.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Jmboyd58: *driving my date to the ER* I told you my possum doesn't like direct eye contact. This one is on you.
@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: *spells out words so the kids won’t know what she is saying* ME: [to the kids] I don’t know either.
@Poutymcgee: See a penny pick it up... All day long you'll have.... A nagging feeling that the previous owner wasn't a "hand washer".
@notacroc: RIDDLER: how'd you find my hideout? BATMAN: a little birdie told me *winks* SMALL BIRD MAN: *lands on his shoulder* please use my full name