@duplicitron: If you smoke while you're pregnant your baby comes out wearing a t-shirt and jeans looking cool as hell.
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@_RyanBryce: Asked the burd in Krispy kremes for 5 Nutella donuts and she says "have you got any nut allergies" aye pal I'm planning suicide by donut
@TheCatWhisprer: *intermittently glances at phone while placing order for 6 burritos so the Chipotle lady thinks they're for multiple people*
@weinerdog4life: Do not break eye contact with your waitress as you put the spaghetti in your wallet.
@Maxine12339: Being a little bit crazy is like being a little bit pregnant - you can only hide it for so long.