@Bob_Janke: If you spend "up to $9000" on my funeral it better be on some kind of mechanism that makes me sit up in the casket when people walk by.
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@fro_vo: *running from cops* Me: hey wait hold up if we're gonna do this i really should be wearing my fitbit Cop: yeah me too good idea
@amarie_price: "who can I count on to volunteer for this project?" *slumps out of chair and slowly army crawls out of conference room*
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: No matter what you do in life, I'll always be there for you. Wife: Stop making promises to the pig.