@AustinSommer: If you spin an oriental person around until they get dizzy, do they become disoriented? #LifeQuestions
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@Smiilze: I hear you knocking at my door. You thinking I'm going to answer it is your second mistake.
@OtherDanOBrien: Dentist: You don't have to floss all your teeth. Only the ones you wanna keep! *I start flossing his teeth* D: Um... Me: These are mine now
@1_swarthy_dude: [1st date] Me: "So, what do you do?" Her: "I'm a Herpetologist." Me: "Great! [pulls pants down] How bad is this?"