@WheelTod: If you spotted a white guy with headphones throwing gang signs on the subway today, that was just me listening to the soundtrack of Frozen
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@david8hughes: Me: you're mad at me about what happened earlier aren't you? Arresting officer: little bit
@Donna_McCoy: "Just gonna take a little off the top" I whisper, scooping all the icing from your cake with my fork.
@SteveSuckington: They say you should play dead if a bear attacks you. That shouldn't be that hard once he snaps your torso in half.
@stockejock: What do we want? ROCK HARD ABS! When do we want them? THE DAY AFTER THE HOLIDAYS ARE OVER!