@notbedelia: If you squint, Pitbull looks like a grown up Tommy Pickles from Rugrats.
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@EJGomez: "911? Yes I need to report an incident" "What is it mam?" "THIS. GIRL. IS. ON. FIRE!" "Getting real tired of this crap, Alicia."
@PyrBliss: McDonalds wants you to tell your family you love them because if you keep eating McDonalds it won't be long before you're dead.
@shadonium: Me: do you love me? Siri: I'm only your assistance. Me: if you don't, I will jump off a bridge. Siri:there are two bridges near you.
@weinerdog4life: I'd like you to meet my family, my wife Sharon, my son Carl, and this balloon that follows me around