@notbedelia: If you squint, Pitbull looks like a grown up Tommy Pickles from Rugrats.
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@SondraDeeMe: My Medical Emergency Contact is a girl from college who promised she'd pluck any stray hairs off my face if I slipped into a coma.
@thatUPSdude: [1st date] Would it be odd if someone brought their cat on a date? Her: Very, what's in the box? Nothing, waiter cancel that can of tuna
@TheTweetOfGod: With God all things are possible; but with money all things are probable. And with a good accountant, they're all deductible.