@wickedsuga: If you stand in front of a mirror & repeat your top tweet 3X, your pretwitter self appears, smacks you & throws your phone in the toilet.
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@mamatomy3: Me: There is a small tree on fire. 911: Could you describe it? Me:Picture shrubbery...now picture it engulfed in flames.
@iGreenMonk: The first step is admitting you have a problem. Unless your problem is always admitting things then I don't really know how to help you.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: GF told me she wanted to write her "biography" & I said "autobiography" & now there's a chapter where I sleep at my place.
@markedly: [talking with ex] Me: Is he more boring than me? Her: He is. Me: *devastated* How could you?