@jeffswarens: If you stare at a 6 year old when they're eating a banana split, they hold it real close and eat faster.
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@novicefather: I played dead in the living room to see how my 2yo would respond. He climbed on my "corpse" for 5 minutes then turned on the tv.
@NoogsCorner: Women just want to make us better men, not drain our life essence. And sharks are just trying to kiss us but their teeth get in the way.
@JesssieAshley: If by drinking responsibly you mean drinking out of a plastic cup rather than a glass one then you're damn right I am.