@shot_of_cabo: If you start a sentence with "Let me reiterate..." I'm gonna ignore it the second time too.
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@KevinFarzad: Sometimes u see the moon during the day and it's like, wow, how embarrassing. Showed up early because you were bored? Get a life, nerd moon.
@FlyoverJoel: Eye of the Tiger came on the radio and I got so excited the macaroni salad I was making is all over the walls and the cat has a black eye.
@Carbosly: Apparently, saying "make it a double" followed by an awkward wink doesn't work at the pharmacy.
@good2go013: How to tie the strongest knot ever: 1. Put some headphones in your pocket. 2. Wait one minute. Ta Da !