@shot_of_cabo: If you start a sentence with "Let me reiterate..." I'm gonna ignore it the second time too.
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@GlumGeorgeLucas: Disney couldn't handle my awesome script. Kylo Ren was Rey's father. Finn was her brother. Chewbacca was her cousin twice removed.
@GrillinChillin9: It's complicated. -My response when someone asks if they can have one of my beers.
@SadPeruna: If I was a magician I'd ask someone in the audience for a $20 bill and then just run away. You could prob make like $40 doing that.
@FrazzleMyGimp: WIFE: I’m starting to think my husband has lied about his profession. WIFES FRIEND: Why? [I walk through the door and hang up my McDonald’s visor] ME: Hey honey I’m back from the lawyer factory.