@shot_of_cabo: If you start a sentence with "Let me reiterate..." I'm gonna ignore it the second time too.
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@MarcusTheToken: A kiss begins with K. But it's also just a text from someone who doesn't want to have a conversation with you.
@garyfromteenmom: [first date] ok dont let them know i stalked them online them: my aunt-- me: theresa or sharon
@stevemarriott: Fun fact: if you play Hotel California backwards, and slowed down 30bpm, there's a fantastic hidden quiche recipe
@jjhartinger: Casting agent: If we hire you at SNL what would you like to accomplish? Me: Staying up past 10:00.