@iwearaonesie: If you start smacking people with your wife's purse she won't ask you to hold it for her anymore
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@david8hughes: [steps off crosstrainer] "Hey girl [out of breath, hands on knee] you like f-fitness? Cos I'm fitn--" "Shall I call an ambulance?" "Please."
@CraveMyThoughts: Date someone who spoils you, always says how beautiful you are, and never thinks you've had enough to eat. Date your grandma
@batkaren: Welcome to Super Villain University. Please refer to the enclosed packet for a sample course offering: