@iwearaonesie: If you start smacking people with your wife's purse she won't ask you to hold it for her anymore
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@squirrel74wkgn: One time, I pulled my pants down to moon someone & accidentally opened the car door instead of the window & rolled down the street naked.
@TheAlexNevil: *watching an old Lassie show Me: How come you can't do those things? Dog (mutters): If we had a well I'd push you into it.
@AndrewChamings: interviewer: do you feel like you have grown as a person? me: ok well I was literally like a foot tall when I was born