@iwearaonesie: If you start smacking people with your wife's purse she won't ask you to hold it for her anymore
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@megfraser: HELLO automatic flushing toilet!! I appreciate the enthusiasm but I really wasn't finished
@TheRolo: *Stands in wood & sets self on fire* "OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I want to look hot on tinder.
@KeetPotato: drummer: "just add er on the end of your instrument" guy who plays trumpet: "so im a trumpeter, ok cool" guy who plays trombone: "oh no"
@juliussharpe: Meet your girlfriend's brother then realize you're screwing the female version of a guy.