@gwatts77: If you steal my identity and get a credit card I'll be impressed. Not because you stole my identity, but because you got approved. Kudos!
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@NicestHippo: [meeting a couple at dog park] "BARK BARK!" GF: He's usually not like this [pulls me aside] GF: Stop yelling bark bark at those nice people
@Schmoodles: Sometimes I see a baby and think "Aww, I want one!" Then I find my TV remote in the fridge again and think "Yeah, maybe I'm not ready."
@AlisonAgosti: The word "Caesar" has always bothered me. It looks like a and e are mad at each other.