@Nocturnoc**to: If you steal my tweets I'll just unfollow you cuz your tweets are terrible.
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@ibid78: [raises hand during kickboxing lesson] when do we get to kick boxes? [instructor] that's not what we- [me] I just hate boxes so damn much
@mrjohndarby: [1st date] Her: So, tell me about yourself Me: Well, I've got a black belt- Her: Oh! Me: ...and *looking down*.. brown shoes, gray socks...
@Sassafrantz: If a bear tries to attack you in the woods, give it your bicycle. Maybe it's one of those circus bears, you never know.
@JessicaNorthey: Got a call saying my son got caught lying, cheating & was being expelled. I don't have a son. That kid is one damn good liar