@TheMichaelRock: If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.
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@JessicaVarsity: I've watched three episodes of "I Shouldn't Be Alive" tonight, adding "outdoor enthusiast and survival expert" to my online dating profile.
@2tickytacky: Lemon is supposedly a good diuretic. I ate a quart of lemon pudding and nothing is happening.
@AbbyHasIssues: "Well-behaved women seldom make history," I whisper as I don't wait the full ten minutes for the oven to preheat.
@asimplesean: I approach. "Girl are you a couch? Cuz I'm gonna try & fail to pick you up." She laughs. "I'm Jen." My training hasn't prepared me for this.