@heyevergreen: if you take a selfie at a dad's funeral, his hand will rise up out of the casket and give you bunny ears
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@WilliamAder: Scientists are attempting to clone Ice Age Cave Lions because running into a raccoon when I take out the trash isn't scary enough.
@PaperWash: Facebook: your old HS friend just sent you a friend request me: cool! Facebook: she's racist now me: uhh Facebook: everyone on here is
@aka_fatman: "I finally caught up with my son." "That's good. Progress. How did it go?" "Badly. I cut off his hand THEN told him." - Vader & therapist