@heyevergreen: if you take a selfie at a dad's funeral, his hand will rise up out of the casket and give you bunny ears
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheAlexNevil: Pro Tip: don't buy cheap duct tape. Your basement guests can chew right through that.
@liv_thatsme: "WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY 40 POUNDS OF SPINACH?" Me: I cooked it for you. It's over there, on that teaspoon.
@LeiaMarieG: My kid's insults to each other: "you have fat lips like Momma." "well, you have a big butt like Momma. Thanks, kids.
@KeetPotato: unstable person: "when there is no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth" stable person: "i look after the horses"